Yuuki of UnsraW finally blogged and explained why he left the band. It's an extremely heartfelt and honest post, so I hesitated to translate it for fear that I couldn't do the post justice with my poor Japanese. However, I've decided to do my best and translate Yuuki's blog entry to the best of my ability. Please forgive any mistakes or errors that I make in my translation. Notes will be numbered and at the end.
November 12th, 2010, 6:07 PM
For me, the one and only most unique and irreplaceable person in the entire world,
the one I absolutely loved and adored, who was special to me and beloved above all other people in the world (1), passed away.
Since I was born (2),
He (3) supported me during even the toughest times.
Together we would clutch our stomachs and laugh.
At times, we got angry at each other,
And we fought often,
But even so, the next day, we would laugh once again.
We shared the same dream.
He promised me he'd get better as soon as possible and come home.
We battled through it together.
Though the prognosis was half a year to a year, it was only a brief two months.
We had UnsraW's sponsored event the day after the funeral, and our schedule was packed with the Europe tour after that.
I've worked at my maximum point up until now, but I've exhausted my best.
However, I couldn't smile.
No matter what happened, I became unable to smile. Despite that, I didn't run away, and I desperately put on a brave face.
Among other things, when I perform I have to do MCs. At those times I must fire my words at everyone. In my present condition, the words I shout from above the stage become "lies".
"Everyone get riled up!"
As a direct result of the "lies" I give birth to, my words become the "utmost betrayal".
As it is, standing on the stage plastered with "deception" and "lies", I'm unable to write on the blog.
"You betrayed us"
"You don't know right from wrong"
Because I was only able to tell you all about what's going on in this manner, there's no other way for you to see me.
I continuously worried and worried and worried, and inside me I fully planned on giving it my all as UnsraW's leader Yuuki, no matter how painful.
But, in the end, I reached my limit.
If I did any more than this, I would wind up "lying" to you all.
As it is, if you can't save yourself, you can't save everyone else. Because I can't save myself, I don't even have the capability or the persuasive power to save anyone (4).
UnsraW was the band I made myself and, because it was my pride, I put an end to it by my own hand.
I truly wanted to spend my last moments up on the stage, so this announcement is really painful and goes against my will.
But, because I can't avert my eyes from reality,
Because I can't fight fate,
Right now there's too much commotion.
When I have the time and manage to sort things out inside myself (5), I think I will be able to write more.
There's much more I'd like to write.
For now, just give me a little more time.
(1) This was hard to translate. Yuuki writes "mou daisuki de, daisuki de, taisetsu na ai suru hito" which would literally mean "the person I loved, and loved, who was special, and I loved". Yuuki writes Japanese expressions for "love" three times. It sounded too awkward in English, so I had to go out on a limb with the translation and go for representing the feeling, more than the literal meaning.
(2) To be honest, I have no idea if Yuuki means "since I was born" or "since that person was born". As per usual in Japanese, the sentence has no subject. Moreover, Yuuki never specifies the age of the deceased in relation to himself. The line is utterly ambiguous.
(3) Since Yuuki wrote this entire entry without specifying a subject or describing the person he's talking about, the gender of the deceased is also unknown. I decided to go with "he" because he talks about fighting and laughing with the person, which sounds very boyish to me. However, the person who died could very well be a female.
(4) I completely went out on a limb with this line and wrote what I assumed Yuuki meant. The original line was one long sentence, but I split it up and repeated things that weren't repeated to get the point across. To be honest, I'm really unsure of whether or not my translation came out correct...
(5) Though I translated it as "inside myself", the word Yuuki uses is "kokoro" which loosely means heart/mind in Japanese. It's similar to the way English speakers refer to their heart to refer to their feelings and emotions.
Anyways, I hope that translation was okay. Though I certainly have theories about its content, I'm in no place to write them on this blog. I don't know Yuuki personally and I don't have the right to speak about this issue as if I do. However, I will say that, though I truly wish it hadn't come to this, I commend Yuuki for upholding honesty above all other things in his performance. The reason I came to adore him was because I was so captivated by his raw and honest performances on stage. Yuuki always seemed true to himself. If he feels he's no longer able to be honest with us, or feels bad for having "lied" to the audience by putting on a false act (by trying to appear into his performances when he's not), then I can understand and respect his decision to take a break. Many performers live a lie, so it's nice to see someone who wishes to remain true to himself. Though I absolutely wish UnsraW could continue on, I'm glad Yuuki chose to keep the band pure. If he'd continued with the band in his current state, the quality of UnsraW's work would likely have decreased and UnsraW would have ended on a sour note. However, by disbanding now, we are left with UnsraW's absolute best, and great memories.
I wish you well, Yuuki, and I will respect your decision without judgment. I hope you feel better soon. It was a pleasure crowd-surfing you in Tokyo :-)